What if I leave...

I think there is a significant correlation between the music on my ipod and the state of my affairs in life at the time it was entered. 

4 years ago I probably was at the lowest point emotionally speaking. I have all the sad songs to prove it.  Unrequited love songs and meloncholy tunes about abandonment fill the queue from 4 years ago. 

4 1/2 years ago, quite the opposite. Boy was I in love. I was elated and bigger then life. I have the songs to prove that as well.

There is a lot to be said when you take the time to reflect on the major events that shape you as a person.

I remember the day I found out I was going to be a big sister.  I knew I would forever be attached to that person and love them unconditionally just as you should. That was huge in my 8 year old world. I remember the day he was born. My mom let us stay home to be with her before it was time for her to finally head to the hospital. I'll never forget the moment I found out he was finally here. 3/21/85 7:45pm... It was pretty freaking awesome that I was now going to be a big sister.

There are very specific songs that remind me of the best times with my brother. Things so simple as a silly  Christmas tune or an old nursery rhyme that was on a beat up vhs tape that gets stuck in my head. I had a best friend and special companion. What I dont know is the song that played when it all fell apart. I wish I could find it on my ipod. Then I would know the moment "we" infinitely broke.  I search my soul and only to find utter heartache.