Some days are harder then others when you spend them living in your head. It makes me sad. I cant quite figure out why though. I guess its simply because the one sided conversations are not always the most positive and fruitful.
I wonder about a lot when i am feeling like this.
I wonder about the person I am and whether I am the best version of myself. I wonder if I will ever find someone who will love me at the least,equally and maybe even a little more when the moment calls for it. I wonder why I feel so alienated from people who used to be so important in my life. And most of all I wonder where the hell is my life going and who will be with me when I finally get there.
These thoughts run through my head like a whirling dervish. I cant say I have any way to make them stop however I guess I could just tune it all out. Along with the noise I have "No One is Alone" from Into the Woods stuck in my head. In particular - the line in which it states "People make mistakes, fathers mothers, people make mistakes, holding to their own, thinking they are alone...witches can be right, giants can be good, you decide whats right, you decide what's good."
I worry I have made too many mistakes. I worry on how to make the best of my mistakes and move forward. Maybe asking someone to love me vs them actually admitting to being in love with me might have been a mistake. But how do you bring up such a subject without sounding somewhat selfish? It's troublesome. "Honor their mistakes, everybody makes. one another's terrible mistakes" Maybe it's just my brain over thinking. I want the basics. I want someone to love me. I want to feel loved and appreciated and not taken for granted. It's a hard moment I'm having in my head....
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